When you’re in a
relationship with someone, you may feel like you’ve given a part of yourself to
your partner. You might not even know how you would function without him. Until
your break up, you thought you were going to be with him forever. You thought he
was the
one.
But now, for whatever reason it may be,
you have both decided to part and even the thought of not being with him drives
you crazy. You find yourself think
Stop
Feeling Sorry for Yourself
In order for you to move on, you need to stop
feeling sorry for yourself and accept the situation. It's no good blaming
yourself for what happened; you weren't the only person in the relationship. It
takes two to tango.
Blaming yourself will not change anything; it
will only prolong your feelings of upset and confusion. By accepting your
situation, you give yourself the opportunity to move on and discover new
things.
What are
the Advantages of Not Being Together?
Once you've stopped feeling sorry for
yourself, you then need to ask yourself a question. What are the advantages of
not being together? The first time you answer this question, you might say that
there are none; however there are many advantages to being single besides being
able to speak to whoever you want.
One being that you get to learn more about
yourself. In a relationship, you might often find yourself focusing on the wants
and needs of your other half and just putting yours to the side; telling
yourself that his things are more important and ours can wait. Well, you don’t
have to do that anymore. Now that you don't have someone else to worry about,
you have more time to focus on yourself.
Get to know yourself. Who are you when you’re
not with him? What are your pet peeves? What's your favourite cuisine? What's
your favourite music? What are you good at?
What good can you do with your new found time and
energy?
Get Fit
I’m not saying that you
should completely forget about all the memories that you created together and
pretend like the relationship never happened because I think that is almost
impossible. I just think you need to stay optimistic and always refer to the
saying ‘Everything happens for a reason’. We may not know what the reason is
right now but it should all become clear in the future.
Now that you’re single,
you have more time to focus on yourself. I understand that sitting on the sofa
with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s watching a bunch of romantic movies might feel
a lot more appealing, but this will not help your situation. It will only make
it worse. Instead of spending that time reminiscing about the past, spend it
trying to better yourself.
Sometimes we leave a
relationship feeling worthless and often lack confidence. Hence we watch
Romantic movies as they might portray the relationships we desire, however the
relationships we see on the screen are merely he products of somebody else’s
imagination.
One way to overcome this
feeling of worthlessness is to get fit.
Even though body image
is not something you should constantly worry about, it is one of the ways to
realise the changes that you have made since you became single.
You’ve just come out of
a relationship and you barely have enough energy to get yourself out of bed,
let alone go to the gym. Let’s look at it like this, you can spend hours on end
focusing on the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘why’s’ but it’s the actions you take that
are going to change your situation.
Think about it as a way
of bettering yourself, improving your health and improving your confidence.
Get Social
The last step is the one of the most controversial.
Some people don’t want to socialise with other people because they might feel
like they’re disrespecting their ex; however if you continue to stop yourself
from doing things due to respect, you will never move on.
Whilst others don’t want to socialise because they
are simply not ready to put themselves out there again. Don’t rush yourself
into anything that you’re not ready for, it takes time to heal. You are the
only person that knows what you can and cannot handle, so don’t feel like you
must do anything to please anybody or prove that you’re over him. It’s up to
you to decide if you’re ready to put yourself out there and how you’re going to
do it.
Starting to socialise again can be very difficult but
it is a vital step. By socialising with other people, you unconsciously stop
yourself from thinking about him. The less time you spend thinking about him,
the easier it will be to move on. I would say avoid speaking to people that
have connections to him, as they may cause you to start thinking about him
again.
For anyone going through a tough break up, I want you to remember one thing and it is this: there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. It may seem super difficult and impossible at first but eventually, you will find it easier to cope without your other half.
That's it for now.
See you soon,
Tee xoxo
